A captive in one's own mind

~~ The arrival of this day delayed so much that I almost convinced myself it would never come. I used the word delayed, because it’s here now, live, like an old film reel coldly exposing its content to the audience. Parts of it contain past moments of joy and happiness accompanied with frequent, unstoppable smiles. I inform you that it lasts long, it feels like it’s never ending. And suddenly a wall, so solid and tall it doesn’t let any of the joy jump over it or break it. As a consequence joy is left behind. The worst part is that joy isn’t visible to the audience anymore. The next moment there is a shot of a darker substance, the audience is puzzled and this scene is followed by blank space. Surprisingly, the reel has finished. How long has it been playing for? 2 years?

Wake up. You forgot there is a second part to the story. And I warn you, you’re not going to like it. If there was a sign for this part, it would say ‘’ Disturbing images ‘’, please watch on your responsibility.
It includes multiple, continuous mistakes which contributed to this entire disaster you both created. Yet, the greatest burden is yours to carry with surviving possibilities being minimal.
Every time pain is overflowing from your innermost places it becomes extremely impossible to face the world with eyes smiling at every individual you come across. It’s safe where you are now, in complete solitude, far away from people’s indiscreet eyes. You’re currently powerless, surrendered to the distress you created.

Breathe. Allow yourself some mere breaths and with each one you will slowly attach your pieces. Until the moment you lift your head up again facing the blue sky. ~~

Shattered image

One of the most disappointing experiences you can have is a strong feeling for something that doesn't exist. Being in love with the image of the past. And it's torturing, because you always seek it, despite the fact that you are aware of its absence.
What keeps you waiting and searching is hope, the idea of the perfect scenario. And you held it in your arms, so tightly. How could it slip away without even a notice? Let go, little girl. You face someone else now. You are not familiar with them and nothing convinces you to restart the connection. Your emotions had an entirely different target and this isn’t in your line of vision anymore. Stuck in the past, you lose the present and everything surrounding it. Let go, little girl. You owe yourself a big smile, a warm heart and you know that you can’t gain unless you first lose. Leave it where it belongs, in the shattered picture of the past. Welcome what’s yet to come, open your arms and grasp every little bit of what fully expresses you. Don’t restrain yourself, they who know will caress your flaws and set you free. Let go, little girl.